TONY : RAD
TONY : SAD
January 17, 2026
Tony was cool.
Tony was rad.
Tony… was a skateboarder.
“Oh Tony? Tony’s lit brah!”
That is what Tony’s contemporaries had to say about him.
Tony would get up each morning… or more accurately scream himself awake and that screaming would create so much energy, that it basically blew him out of bed, thrusting him into his tattered jeans and a Ramones t-shirt. Tony would land on his skateboard, grind the banister down to the kitchen, pass the toaster just as Pop-Tarts popped up, he would snag them, as he’d say ‘See ya later Mom!’ then crash out the kitchen door, and Ferris Bueller himself over the neighbors fence with his skateboard.
Even his mom thought Tony was cool.
“Oh Tony? My dearest? He is one bad mahmajamha!”
One day Tony was at the tuxedo store getting fitted for his nephew’s barmitsva. He accidentally slipped on a banana peel and fell on a stack of papers, making the papers fly everywhere in the tuxedo store. One of the papers floated down ever so softly onto Tony’s hand, giving him a minor paper-cut. Tony cried out in pain! ‘I GOTZ AN OWWWWWWIE!’
His nephew, famously a dick, posted it on Tok-Tak, and now Tony isn’t rad anymore.
